In the Event of a Water Landing...

Please return all seat backs to their upright position and make sure all carry ons are stowed where they can accompany you to your doom. Pam from our San Francisco based flight crew got on the speaker: "You never know when this information may save your life." 

We all know how to put on a seatbelt. A buckle is no concept to go on and on about. But what we are even more familiar with is all the times planes have crashed from 30,000 ft to their watery graves or into fields and marshes or mountain tops. We remember all those instances where the surviving parties announced on the 5 o'clock news how happy they were that they had been wearing their life vest and hugging their seat cushion.

They took out their headphones when Pam spoke.

Airport Security: "Hold on mam, we need to check your ponytail." (Inserts fingers).

Travelers: "Something about this kindle keeps actin' up! It's actin' up again. Just reset and I was on page two chirty three and now I gots a press this darn next button 233 times to get to the page. Oh geez." (Happened 5 separate times).

Traveler 2: Plays Angry Birds on iPad full volume for 1.5 hrs. Finally inserts in back into Angry Bird iPad sleeve and takes out video poker instead.

Fact: It's almost impossible to sleep on a plane without opening your mouth.